New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
