And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
