The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
