I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
