It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
