Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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