i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
