why didn't you poke me back
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
