i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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