Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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