Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
