You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
