Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
