You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
