Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
