I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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