Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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