The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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