can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
