Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
