She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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