his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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