If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
