don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize