I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
