I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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