they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
