I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
