I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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