My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
