Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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