i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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