Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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