dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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