I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
