we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
