i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
