i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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