If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
