I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
