When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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