if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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