Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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