Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
