I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
