do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize