so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
