He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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