there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
