Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
