Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
