imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
