I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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