Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love having hate sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
