Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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