no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
