I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
