is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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