Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
