your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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