I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
