Screwed.edu
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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