I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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