Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
