I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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