Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
