i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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