I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
