Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize