her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
