Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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