dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
