I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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